Following enduring instances of being doggedly bullied, Emma Watson has fixed upon transferring to a less immature and more pontifically high-brow university.
“Hermione desires a cultured institution that’s more well-read so she can be respected for her role as the multifaceted and existentially troubled anti-heroine Hermione,” Watson’s PR representative revealed in an interview, “She’s informed me of countless incidences where these juvenile Ivy Leaguers have mocked her tragically breathtaking and self-reflective soliloquies from The Prisoner of Askaban. It’s pathetic, really.”
Watson’s recently revealed decision to join the UCF family ultimately stemmed from Orlando’s ardent respect for J.K. Rowling’s series of literary chef d’oeuvres. She has cited The Wizarding World of Harry Potterto be a particularly flattering repository for the spirit of her honorable performances.
“Rowling wanted nothing more than to share a uniquely sweet yet sorrowful insight into the human condition while remaining readable to fourth-graders,” said Islands of Adventure employee Rick Joseph emotionally upon receiving news of the transfer, “I just hope my job here as operator of Dragon Challange stays true to that audacious message in the eyes of Ms. Granger when she arrives.”
Ever since being born into a family of lowly muggles, Watson has found herself facing adversity from the ignorant and intolerant. However, she has expressed hope concerning the radical decision to transfer.
“It will be so relieving to be able to answer questions in class without imbeciles bellowing out ‘three points for Gryffindor!” said Watson excitedly in a recent televised interview, “That statement is so profoundly tawdry considering that Brown doesn’t have a house for Gryffindor; it isn’t even a wizarding school! I’m quite overjoyed to think UCF students will realize that.”