Policymakers announced today that after the looming threat of yet another government shutdown, one of many in just the past few years alone, a bill has been passed that will hold the government’s power button down in hopes of manually rebooting the government and doing a full restore back to [...]
A lack of competency looms over the heads of the UCF Landscape and Natural Resources crew as a pile of large stale french fries lay littering the ground adjacent to the Washington Center. The fries have been allowed to fester for so long that new employees have mulched around them and [...]
Biological reproduction has long been a mystery among biologists and pastors alike. But thanks to the geniuses over at Lake Nona, the dark veil may have finally been lifted. Human beings, long thought to be asexual mammals–where the female buds an offspring out of her vagina, and the male serves [...]
After the success of this summer’s blockbuster, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, producer Don Murphy announced plans for a fourth installment of the Transformers film franchise. Many fans were left wondering how this new installment could top the 3-D, record-breaking, explosion-riddled, eardrum-bursting motion picture event that was Dark of the [...]
After a full day of accruing indignant cries and angry status updates due to Facebook’s latest website changes, Mark Zuckerberg, chief executive and president of the site, announced today the release of an alternative of the popular website that will not receive cosmetic or functional updates from its staff. In [...]
We’ve all heard those questions during that conversation. “What were your top schools?” “Where did you tour?” “How much is UCF paying you to go here?” “Did you get an internship at Disney, or Seaworld?” The Princeton Review recently confirmed the shared Knight sentiment of ennui and “what the hell [...]
Police responded to a gruesome scene last knight after receiving numerous reports of students hearing screams that echoed from the small patch of woods between the Towers at Knights Plaza and Northgate Lakes apartments. Further investigation revealed that Tom Bartley, while walking back from a late knight class, was ripped [...]
Orlando–It’s not everyday that you encounter a group of kids with initiative paired with a pretentious yet mediocre comedic brand who have actually put money into their dumb drunken ideas, but at the metropolitan university that is UCF, we all tend to run into a little bit of everything. I’m [...]
President Obama called a press conference today in response to the recent phone hacking scandal of celebrated actress Scarlett Johansson. The nude personal pictures, taken with the young actresses’ cellular phone, hit the World Wide Web yesterday morning, and the FBI was immediately called to discover the identity of the [...]
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