After building a substantial case of copyright infringement, Apple has taken a monumental step in the history of property ownership laws by suing Apple over the design, hardware, and software of the iPhone 5. “Speaking bluntly, the developers at Apple clearly plagiarized Apple’s groundbreaking design, with only minor modifications,” said Apple CEO Tim [...]
In the Fall of 2012 UCF will make a large leap to join the 640 other “smoke-free” campuses that blot the landscape of the United States. To provide this smoke-free environment to students and faculty, UCF’s legislative community has signed into existence a prohibition of all forms of smoking within [...]
In an astonishing feat that may place him well above the other Republican contenders for the 2012 presidential election, Newt Gingrich announced this week that he has learned math. “Addition today, subtraction tomorrow,” roared a boisterous Gingrich in a packed stadium during his S.C. tour. The former speaker, who is known [...]
A heralding achievement that will forever be recognized as a major breakthrough in biology occurred last evening at UCF’s Lake Nona research facility when Michael Web, M.D., published results from his painstaking twenty-year project. “At first I thought that my data had been confounded in some manner,” reported Web, M.D., [...]
In ten days Alaina Sheen will be walking proudly at the commencement ceremony that all successful UCF students undergo at the end of their undergraduate careers. Sheen has been through toils and trials, but when this final hurdle is behind her, she will wield the intellectual sword that is a [...]
The recent news that UCF is to establish a dental school in 2014 has spurred various interest groups to snatch a slice of the med school funding pie. Two of these groups, “Brown Gloves for UCF” and “Students for Oil Drilling on the Moon,” have banded together to goad the [...]
UCF chemistry student Mike Heisenberg was let down last fall semester when he was informed that he had received the maximum amount of his Stafford Loan. However, unlike most undergraduates, he was not going to let this roadblock impinge upon his quality of living. “I sat down and thought long [...]
In the largest television event since Two and a Half Men, the highly acclaimed court drama The Casey Anthony Show has been granted a second season by the corporate heads at Fox, ABC, ABC Family, Animal Planet, and UPN. The show was widely celebrated for its cerebral plot, compelling performances, [...]
Harold Camping, the apocalyptic messenger with over thirty years of tenure and tens of thousands of followers, had gone silent as of yesterday after a widely recognized failure of prophecy. Camping claimed to have discovered a mathematical proof laid down by God in The Bible pinpointing the exact day of [...]
ORLANDO — Osama bin Laden is dead and UCF has his body, says library personnel. After ten years of hunting for the world’s most dangerous man, at 10:02pm this evening student Bic Tanner found the body of Bin Laden curled up under one of the fifth floor study desks. “I [...]
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