Post Tagged with: "Kilbride"

  • Mark Antony Warns of a Conspiracy Against Kilbride

    Mark Antony Warns of a Conspiracy Against Kilbride

    Politics, Wag the UCF April 14, 2011 10:38 pm no comments

    Senate member and Master of the Horse, Mark Antony, is running around warning of a conspiracy against Kilbride that is to take place in The Theatre of Pompey on the Ides of March. “Cicero hath told me the Gods will strike!” he wails, as he prances through the colonnades of [...]

     
  • Commissioner Gordon Denounces Kilbride’s Spending Habits

    Commissioner Gordon Denounces Kilbride’s Spending Habits

    Wag the UCF April 4, 2011 11:25 pm no comments

    In a press release issued two weeks ago, Commissioner Gordon expressed disapproval of Kilbride’s choice to gratuitously dump SGA’s budget into attempting to arrest the Batman. “The Batman offers hope that UCF can indeed live up to its promise of standing for opportunity without students having to worry about men [...]

     
  • Kilbride Attempts to Dissolve Senate After Senate Meeting About Kilbride Dissolving Cabinet

    Kilbride Attempts to Dissolve Senate After Senate Meeting About Kilbride Dissolving Cabinet

    Wag the UCF March 23, 2011 11:56 pm no comments

    In the midst of the March 17th Senate meeting, UCF student body president Michael Kilbride was observed stomping out of the Student Union muttering to himself, “stupid Senators… I hate those stupid… stupid mean SENATORS SO MEAN!” Senator Jason Bryant agreed to an interview with the Fancy upon exiting the [...]

     
  • Kilbride Buys UF for $10 Billion

    Kilbride Buys UF for $10 Billion

    Wag the UCF March 21, 2011 10:06 pm no comments

    In addition to the hotly discussed $600 million desk carved entirely out of a single diamond he recently treated himself to, Michael Kilbride has just announced that he will be buying the University of Florida for $10 billion. An excerpt from the press release: UCF has just announced its plans [...]

     
  • Kilbride Dodges Questions About Involvement in 9/11

    Kilbride Dodges Questions About Involvement in 9/11

    Wag the UCF March 21, 2011 3:52 am no comments

    In conjunction with Knightnews, the Central Florida Fancy attempted during the Tuesday, March 15th senate meeting to gain information about Kilbride’s alleged involvement in the 9/11 terrorist attacks. “I would rather not push this issue any further,” screeched Kilbride as he sliced his way through a horde of dedicated investigative [...]

     
  • Shockingly Low Number of College Students Infected with HIV

    Shockingly Low Number of College Students Infected with HIV

    MedVice Unsposed March 13, 2011 4:47 am no comments

      New estimates show that only 1 in 500 of college students, about 0.2%, are infected with HIV. This percentage seems almost completely incompatible with the recent influx of overly paranoid students. Dr. Thomas R. Frieden, Director of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) expressed his concern [...]